Here's your application for a new mom!!

Let me set the stage.

It's Wednesday night. The kids and I have come from work and school
and it's roughly 6:30pm. We are very excited because
the kids have started CRCT Testing, so there is no homework,
(Mom is happier about this than children are-I PROMISE!!)

Mom is caught up at work so she didn't bring any work home,

So the children are more excited than mom.

Given the abundance of time

(believe me, when you finally have a 3rd grader you'll understand

what I mean about abundance of time.

The amount of homework these kids have is STUPID!!!)

Mom decides that she can make dinner as opposed to fixing cereal.

She is also feeling spunky and decides the house needs a good cleaning.

Shores Cleaning=Living Room Being Moved Around

Cue the AUDITION for a new mom:

Children: "Can we play the Wii"

Mom: Not until your chores are done.

Maddie and Riah: Sweet!!

Tanner: (Envision 6 year old THROWING himself amongst the furniture),

"AAAAAughhhhhh! Uugh, mmmmmmmmm, gosh, mmnnnnnhhhhhuh"

Mom: Hey Tanner, all you have to do is take out the trash.

Get it gathered up, and let me know when

you are ready to head to the dumpster.

I won't even make you walk.

Tanner: How do I do that?

Mom: (not yet annoyed) You got get a white trash bag from under the sink,

take it to the 2 (yes only 2 as opposed to the 12 I gathered when I was 6!!!)

bathrooms, dump the trash and bring it in the kitchen.

Tanner: But how do I do that?

Mom: (I'm totally confused at this point.....) Um, go in the kitchen, open the cabinet

under the sink, take out a trash bag, fill it with trash, bring it to the kitchen.

Tanner: (Imagine him saying this in what I call his baby girl voice)

Aughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....I don't know what you mean.

Mom: (Yep, I'm screaming now!) WALK IN THE KITCHEN. GET A TRASH BAG, BLOW IT OPEN, WALK IN MY BATHROOM, DUMP THE TRASH FROM THE SMALL TRASH CAN INTO THE LARGE TRASH CAN, WALK TO THE GIRLS BATHROOM, DO THE SAME THING, MEET ME IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!

Tanner: (in a, "she totally bought it that I didn't know how to empty the garbage" tone)

Oh. I didn't know what you meant.

Mom: OH MY GOSH!!!!

Tanner then proceeds to empty the garbage.

We take it to the dumpster. We come back.

Tanner: Can I play the Wii now?

Mom: As soon as your room is picked up.

No toys on the floor, all shoes in the closet,

and all dirty clothes in the hamper.

Tanner: Aughhhhhhhhhhh!! Mom, but my room is a mess!!!

Mom: (I'm soooo laughing to myself) Yep!!!

Tanner: (no words)

Aughhhhhhhhhhhhh, mmmmmmmmmmmm, aughhhh, mgh, huff, puff, SLAM!!!!

Mom: (Not laughing anymore!)(No words just yet)

Open door, whack, whack, whack. "No Wii the rest of the week."

Change your attitude and get in line with this family. SLAM!!!

Night proceeds. He gets over it relatively quick.

(not playing the Wii is a death sentence apparently)

We eat dinner, and Sariah and Tanner head for the showers.

This is were it gets good....

Tanner gathers his things, heads for the bathroom.

Closes the door and starts the shower.

Two minutes later, bathroom door opens so

he can throw his dirty clothes in the hamper...

I'm in the kitchen and can see him through the bar opening.

He looks me square in the face and in a tone I can only describe as

"The idot blonde in the Miss Teen pagent who tried to describe

Why citizens can't point out the US on the globe":

SAYS TO ME:

"Hey, Mom. You might wanna think

about doing some laundry!!!"

HERE'S YOUR APPLICATION FOR A NEW MOM!!!!!

THIS ONE QUITS!!!!

I'm gonna beat that kid!!!